Scared Straight -- Cleaning Your Room

SCARED STRAIGHT – CLEANING YOUR ROOM. A JOINT VENTURE OF MRS. McMAHON’S 8TH GRADE CLASS AT BODE MIDDLE SCHOOL IN ST. JOSEPH, MISSOURI AND THE WESTERN MISSOURI CORRECTIONAL CENTER IN CAMERON.

Mrs. McMahon: Class, today we’re having a visit from a representative of the Scared Straight program at Western Missouri Correctional Center. He’ll be talking today about the importance of cleaning your room. This is Mr. Bleed.

Bleed: Not Mr. Bleed. Just Bleed.

Mrs. McMahon: My apologies, Mr. – . Just go ahead.

Bleed: Alright you worthless pieces of garbage. I’ve heard your rooms are a mess! Wild dogs wouldn’t smell the stinking corpses of my gang homies, drive-by dead for weeks, above the sickening stench of your sweaty underwear and unwashed jerk-off socks!

[A hand is raised.]

Tommy: Mr. Bleed?

Bleed: It’s Bleed!

Tommy: Mr. Bleed, I always keep my room very neat and tidy.

Bleed: What’s your name, you piece of shit?

Tommy: Tommy.

Bleed: Well, let me tell you, Tommy. Your room will never be as clean as my room. ‘Cause the screws wash it down three times a day! With a fire hose! Next question!

Madison: Bleed, do you think boys are messier than girls?

Bleed: Where do you live?

Mrs. McMahon: You don’t need to answer that, Madison. Let’s have one more question.

David: What did you do to get put in prison?

Bleed: You pimply little prick. I didn’t clean my fucking room! That’s how. Then I started talking back to my parents, not doing my homework, jacking cars and doing crack. And now I’m in fucking jail! You got that? I’m in jail!

Mrs. McMahon: Let’s all thank Bleed for taking time out of his day to talk to us.

[There is polite applause.]